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Donna Schilder

Professional Certified Coach

Leadership, Career, & Business Coach

(562) 434-7822 -

Donna Schilder

7 Steps to Positive Assertiveness

positive assertiveness


Why is positive assertiveness important?  Being positively assertive can help you:

  • Become a better leader
  • Reduce conflict
  • Reduce frustration
  • Relieve stress
  • Increase the quality of your relationships both at work and in your personal life
  • Get more of what you want in life

The following are assertive thoughts that can guide you to positive assertiveness in your interactions with others.

1. I communicate my expectations, needs, and wants to others.  Positively assertive people give others the chance to meet their needs and expectations by communicating them clearly.


2. I deserve to have my needs met.  Some of us received childhood messages childhood that made us believe that other’s needs should come before our own.  Believing this can create resentment, frustration, and a feeling of deprivation that may be expressed through passive aggressive or self destructive behaviors.  Every human being deserves to have their needs met and you are the one responsible for ensuring that your own needs are met.

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3. When my wants or needs are in conflict with someone else, I look for win-win solutions.  Positive assertiveness means working to meet your needs, and if possible, meeting the needs of others.


4. I do not react to others.  I accept responsibility for my feelings, thoughts, opinions, and actions.  Your boss can’t make you mad, you allow yourself to be mad.  As an adult, you have choices: you can choose to accept your boss’ behavior (because there is no other suitable alternative), you can tell her that her behavior is unacceptable, you can withdraw temporarily from the situation, you can withdraw permanently, or you can choose to be mad.


5. When possible, I intervene in behavior that is abusive, aggressive, or critical toward me.  Do you allow someone to verbally abuse you, criticize you, or be aggressive with you?  If possible, you need to intervene in their unacceptable  behavior to protect yourself and your psyche.   An example of Positive Assertiveness:  “The tone of voice you are using is unacceptable to me.  Please lower your voice.”


6. If they will not modify their behavior, I avoid those who are aggressive, abusive, or critical of me.  If you have requested a behavior change and no change occurs, you owe it to yourself to reduce or eliminate your contact with that person.  Their negative thoughts enter your psyche and affect your ability to be the best you can be.


7. I surround myself with people who give me energy.  Replace the negative people in your life with people who help you build your energy, confidence, and emotional reserves.  Their positive thoughts, beliefs, and feelings are contagious and will put you on the road to being your best self.


© Donna Schilder, MCC, Leadership, Career, & Business Coach of Glacier Point Solutions, Inc., 2018. (562)434-7822. You are welcome to reprint this article online as long as it remains complete and unaltered (including the About the author information at the end)

About Donna Schilder, Master Certified Coach (MCC)

Donna Schilder is an Executive Coach who provides a place for her clients to stand back, assess situations, reconnect to their goals, and choose the best approach to achieve business and personal success. Donna also owns Glacier PointSolutions, Inc. which provides Executive Coaching & Training to High Technology, Healthcare, Manufacturing, Professional Services, and Nonprofit leaders. Contact Donna at 562 434 7822 or